Not being white

When I was a child, my mother was convinced that I was embarrassed of her. I guess....if I'm being totally honest, I was. She was dark - darker than me. And we lived in a small town where almost everyone else was white. Embarrassment - I think - came and evolved in those moments when I became aware of being darker and in my observation of other kids' reactions to seeing my mother. I don't feel like I experienced any overt racist in that small town - I don't remember anyone saying anything mean. Nothing like the racism that happens every day in countries like the US. It was more like I was an asterisks. I always wonder if I had said something to my mother when I was really young like: "I wish you weren't dark" or "I wish that I wasn't dark"

For my last two grades of high school I went away to a Christian boarding school. It was a good departure from being at home as my parents were much more strict than the school was. Also, kids had come from all over the world (I guess they had a good advertisement department). So, it was a unique opportunity to meet kids from all over the world who had come from different cultures. But this was the first place that I really experienced direct negative comments from the white Canadian-born kids: "Someone who is dark like you is in your dorm room" - was a typical comment when my mother came for visits. They were isolated incidents, but they reinforced the idea that I was different

Over time and with exposure to people from other cultures in College and now in work, I've realized that this phenomenon is universal. The desire to be more white. In almost all cultures (e.g. India, China, Latin America), lighter skinned people have 'better' positions in those societies. I wonder how this happened and why it is: white is somehow associated with 'good' and 'dark' more associated with 'bad'.

I have always felt a bit grateful / lucky to have experienced the slightest version of this - really a peak into what it is like to be darker. I wouldn't say that I've suffered in any way but have always been aware that I'm not 'standard issue'. For example, if you ask someone to close their eyes and think of an American - they will think about someone that looks like a Kennedy, not someone from Japan. But it can be frustrating as much of the population does not believe in the concept or disadvantage of racist at all. If only I could wave a magic wand and make those people native american, or black, or muslim for 5 years.

White people get very uncomfortable and defensive on this topic. I guess it wouldn't make sense if you hadn't experience it personally. In a way it doesn't make sense (i.e. why would it be better to be white?). When uncomfortable you tend to hear things like: "I think of you as a white person" and when defensive: "I don't agree with affirmative action" - when mixed, you hear: "I'm not racist, but..."

The standard line for defending status quo is: "well, we should be on an even playing field" - in reference to competition for CEO positions or college entry. Even though non-whites have been in a disadvantaged position for at least hundreds of years, I think this sort of makes sense. This argument falls apart when you realize that non-whites are *still* competing from a disadvantaged position. And this is where the problem lies - a lot of the white population would describe this position as even playing field. Even though numbers tell a different story.

When women started demanding their place in the workforce and starting moving into executive positions - a type of affirmative action took place to compete against the disadvantaged position that they had against white males. And now, after some time, we can see that women do things their own way....and maybe its a better way than the way companies were managed before. That insight wouldn't have happened unless we allowed women in by 're-leveling' the playing field. We are also now starting to see that highly diverse companies have a distinct advantage over those that are not. It all seems like a move in a positive direction even as there is a nationalistic backlash occurring here and other countries. Hopefully diversity eventually wins.

I thought this was an important thing to talk to you about because you may now feel like I did about my mother. I want you to know that it is perfectly natural. But also, when you get older I hope that you can help fight for people who suffer only because they are not white.